I was driving to work one morning and passed one of those church signs, that usually has a clever saying on it. That day it read “You cannot be found, if you do not admit you are lost.” And, just like that, I realized the past few months I have been lost. I lost my way on this journey and I have had the hardest time admitting it and finding my way again. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, I don’t like to admit that I’ve gained back 20 or so pounds during this semester. School took over my life and the gym and eating right went out the window. Every week I’d say this is when I’m going to start over and get back on the wagon. Every week I got stressed out and took comfort in food.
It’s a horrible thing to realize that I’ve wasted so many weeks and so much hard work. My clothes are too tight. I feel awful about myself and only I can change that. Only I can find the determination and motivation it takes to get back on track. The first step is admitting to my secret. I’m addicted to food. I crave everything that is bad for me. I want pizza, cupcakes and chinese food. I don’t want to go to the gym. However, I also don’t want to buy bigger size clothing and look in the mirror and hate the image staring back at me.
I’ve started the December Going the Distance Challenge. The non-food reward at the end is something I really really want so it’s enough motivation to get me active again. I’ve finished up my semester of Grad school and only have two more to go. I know I can learn to balance everything. I HAVE to.
The holidays are coming up so quickly and temptation is around every corner. Today is our annual holiday lunch at work and it’s being catered by a southern food chain. Saturday, we’re going out with friends and Sunday, we’re having pizza with family. Monday, I’m off to Aruba for 3 days and spending the week after Christmas in Ohio. The land of all my comfort foods that I associate with home and happiness. I must combat this with time at the gym and not going overboard. Big hopes and big plans. Let’s see if I can make this happen.
I can be found.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
The good news is that your back with a plan of action and your defintely going to be busy! Whew!
I totally can relate to this post. Last week I couldn’t button my favorite pair of jeans and I decided to get back on the wagon. Its a crappy time of the year to be watching (or counting) every little think you eat. But I know I will be happier when I get in those jeans again.
Hang in there….I know you can do this! 
Way to go Jenn. Sounds like you are back in control and where you want to be. Have a wonderful “kind to yourself” weekend.
I hear ya. This semester has been a rough one and I’ve not moved nearly enough or paid enough attention to eating healthy. Then I got sick a few weeks ago and when I’m sick, I only want bad, sugary/carby stuff .. always have! I can feel the changes too, and it’s not a good feeling for me. You are inspirational. The holidays are hard, and I dislike making New Year’s resolutions that involve major personal change, but I am ready to get back on track as well! Best of luck to you!
You didn’t waste those weeks. You’ve learned along the way! You can get back down. The important thing is that you aren’t giving up.
Happy Holidays! I’ve been away from being diligent for months but I’m picking myself up and looking towards the future!
Jennifer….you sounded like you were talking about me! Only my excuse always is that I have no pleasures or fun in life,so I should be able to enjoy food as much as I want. I use me being chronically ill somewhat as a crutch….I don’t have friends to visit and occupy my time,I literally spend ALL my time in my bedroom either watching tv,on my smartphone , laptop or reading & YES…..whenever I get bored or lonely tbe 1st thing I run to is food. Not any food,but sweets & junk food, those are my crutches. I have no problem admitting I am addicted to food, but the even bigger problem is…..I don’t know how to change. I don’t have willpower to do it on my own,and I don’t have not 1 single friend to be my support system. I must sound pretty pathetic,but I’m honest. I know YOU can do it though, YOU CAN FIND YOU AGAIN!